So Monday night I had 2 dates.

I have NEVER had 2 dates scheduled in a night.  I had a crazy day when I was 25 when I slept with one guy in the morning and a different guy that night, but that was unplanned and I knew both of them!

This was 2 dates, with 2 men I had never met, and I was sick.  Already a recipe for disaster.  But since pulling off the first date band aid on friday it felt doable.

Date #1- met him at a bar at 5PM at a bar uptown.  2 vodkas and a nice chat.  But I did have to get to my 7PM on 42nd street, so I had to leave for me "work thing".  Now I had told him about the "work thing" in advance.  But when it came time for me to leave- I could see he thought I was making it up.  Well, shit!  We didn't exactly have huge sparks flying or anything, but he was nice and possibly fuckable after a few dates and some vodka.  But I don't think he'll call... 

But it will all be worth it right, because I am heading out to Date #2, who I did not meet online, it is actually a set up through a friend.

Can I take a minute here to say that ALL my friends are either married or in a relationship, and NOBODY knows anyone single.  Apparently none of my friends know any single men between the ages of 28 and 50.  Except this one guy...Date #2.
But I digress

Date #2, was a bit weird from the outset.  He sent some really out there emails.  Not dirty or anything- - but he is a tech guy, so I think his social skills may be a bit lacking.  So he sent emails that I am pretty sure were designed to be funny, and they gave me hope.  He seemed funny and interesting.  We had a plan to meet at Bryant Park, a big park in midtown Manhattan that has two bars in it.  So after the first awkward moments of trying to find each other-- you know-- texting and looking to see who answers the text- I found him.  And have to say, was a little disappointed.  Don't you hate that feeling?  Witty email reparté and then in real life- you just know.  No sparks.
BUT I was already two vodkas to the wind, let us not forget that I had already had 1 date this evening where we reminisced about our youth doing blow at a club in NY that has since been shut down (I didn't say we were discussing Kafka--just that we had a nice talk.   Two vodkas down,which post kid is certainly enough to make me WAY tipsy-- (bad old days of blow in club bathrooms aside) I am sitting and talking to no sparks, sort of funny on email tech guy...and he's not funny in real life.  Sad.  But he buys me two more vodkas and we talk about life for another 2 hours.   He and I did not do blow together at the same club- it was a headier discussion about travel and foreign politics.  After that, we walk to a cart- I get a falafel (4 vodkas, 2 dates, no dinner) and head home. 

A successful evening of dating?

I have not heard from either man again--except for a strange email from Date #2 that I think was a cryptic way of seeing if I wanted to go out with him again-- I decided not to play into it.  but to me this was still an amazing night of dating.  here's why:

When I was with my husband I started to think I was incapable of having conversations with people that didn't revolve around preschool schedule pick ups and playdates and work.  Even our date nights had a "business" component.  That is how you make a life with someone, especially when there are children involved.  But for me,  I got lost in the details.  Somewhere between making dinner, and chore charts, and all the other minutiae of life, what made me, ME went away.  So those dates may not have been groundbreaking-- I don't expect to hear from either man again.  But I was ME- capital letter ME- with two different people, talking about different things.  And I felt interesting, and cool.  So they were a success- both of them.

But I have learned- that even though I only get 2 nights out a week- I can not double book dates!

Today I went out on my first date since June 2002, when I met my husband. I slept with someone else in October of 2002, but we were on a break, so it  didn't count. At least I am not counting that as a date.
I met my husband in June 2002 almost 10 years ago- and although he moved out may 31 2011, today was my first date with someone new.
It was a disaster. Definitely. I met him online. He's a mess. And a typical ”jersey boy”. I couldn't have been less interested from the minute I saw him. I even bought own coffee--I wouldn't want to lead him on.  We sat in the cafe at Barnes and noble and he talked about his relatively dysfunctional family, the women he lived with 3 years ago and how she took over his kitchen renovation, and never once asked me about me.

Things I have realized I don't want in a man:

1. Someone so interested in himself that he can't come up for air for one fucking minute to ask a question about me.
2. Someone with out of proportion features- weird hands especially, freak me out.
3. Someone who has funky breath.
4. Someone from New Jersey (I have had a lot of bad luck with this in my life!)

This guy hit all categories.

And I felt bad for him, right - because I just wanted to tell him why he was striking out with women, but part of his problem was that there was no talking to him, so...

But here is what was great about my date-- I WENT!  I just did it.  I was so nauseous on my way there.  I had met the guy online, exchanged a few emails, but that was it.  And now, here I was..about to meet him at Barnes and Noble, and physically nauseous.  But it was like ripping off a band-aid.  It had to be done, and it is best to not think about it and just rip it off quickly.

I had been so nervous about it being a "date" that I forgot that "dates" are not that hard.  Essentially its just making small talk for 1 hour with someone you should at least have 1 or 2 things in common with.  After that you can bug out, you have a thing or something...

So- I ripped off the band aid and it wasn't too bad.  It was a crappy date- but I thank him for being my first!