Yes, that's me-- In the witness protection picture. Although- I promise I didn't crop the pic, that really was what was on my camera this morning.
I went to a wedding yesterday. My daughter was the flower girl (she took that picture), and my ex was a guest... And I was a bridesmaid. And it was beautiful, but DAMN weddings are hard!
Things they don't tell you (but I guess I should've figured) about divorce #20: Weddings are F&^KING HARD!
Seeing other people happy is lovely, especially people you love. But they still SUCK! And the harder you try to compensate for the fact that you are a little bitter about the whole wedding business... the more ridiculous you start to look. The friends that got married yesterday are very close friends, both of them. I have very special and important relationships with the bride and groom- so I love them both, and it really was great to see them so happy.
But then there was the whole wedding nonsense. The dresses, and dj's and matching duds that just seemed so over the top to me. Like we are setting ourselves up, as a society, to have nowhere to go but down. How can we possibly outdo our first day as man and wife? One full day of excitement, love, fun, booze and all you can eat steak! It doesn't get better-- seriously, IT DOESN'T.
Weddings are full of hope and love and joy. And truly, I hope my friends are able to stay on the journey together, and enjoy each other, and stay happy. But I have a hard time reconciling joy and hope with marriage these days. And I know that's my journey, right?
It was my daughter's first wedding, she was the flower girl, and as she was leaving with my ex she told the bride- "this is the best wedding ever, the best night of my life, I love weddings". And I thought, that's how it starts, now she will go home and dream of a wedding, and a fairy dress, and chocolate cake. Because a wedding is just a big party... but a marriage?
On a separate note- I THINK I got hit on by a 24 year old last night... i am a bit out of practice with this stuff, but I THINK a drunk 24 year old was trying to get me to take him back to my house. I am glad I wasn't drinking that much!
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