So tonight, I invited a few of the parents at my daughter's school over for drinks. It was impromptu, after the school fair. Beautiful night- drinks on the terrace, sounded like fun. And it really was.
It was only once they got there that I realized I am the only divorcee in the lot. Somehow the one out of two divorce rate has not hit my daughter's kindergarten class. And I am still the only single mom in the room.
And as I sit- drinking gin and tonics with a few couples that I am just getting to know, I think.... Is it too soon to ask them for men. One of these guys has a single friend. I am SURE OF IT!! And is it too soon to tell them to let their single friend know that I really only want sex and a good meal??
How do I merge these two worlds - the world of the mom and the world of the single woman? I am the only single mom I know. The single women I know don't have kids- their life is very different then mine. They don't find themselves making small talk at PTA meetings and school carnivals, only to have to explain that their EX (yes the caps are important- if you don't emphasize it they dont know) picked up the kid yesterday, and failed to mention it was t shirt day and all the kids had to have a black shirt, but you'll be right back with one. That you have to go home and walk the dog with the kid, because there is no one to watch anyone left over in the house. And that you want, so badly, to turn to someone at night, after your kid goes To bed and say yeah, I'm ready, fuck me... And get a knowing smile and a laugh. And then thrown down!
But instead you talk singledom with the single ladies, and nod and smile when they talk about not having a minute to themselves (FUCK) and then talk parenting to the moms at school and try not to feel the worst loneliness ever when they go home with others and you go home alone.
And the funny part is - I really don't mind be alone. I really don't.
It's the loneliness that gets to me- and I felt that way for a long time.
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